Emotions: Lessons
- personal995
- May 22, 2024
- 8 min read
Updated: Dec 5, 2024
Index
Introduction
No one, knows everything. We all make mistakes. We are never correct the first time, every time. What was correct yesterday, can often be wrong tomorrow. Continual learning is the only way to progress.
STRATEGY OF ONE does not have all the answers, but it can help minimise missteps. These Lessons are actions, principles, rules of thumb, cautions and cognitive frameworks you can use to help avoid traps and build momentum through each stage of life.
Continually review and take what you need. Absorb the Lessons that align with your Goals, and make them a part of your internal 'operating system'.
Each Lesson has accompanying quotes from great minds that can help us symbolise and remember the Lesson. That way we can more easily draw it from our memory as required.
The portrait that partners each quote is aimed to make you feel accountable. The individual lived, experience and made the effort to share the quote you are benefitting from. Now you can honour them by living up to it in your life and work.
Process
Review these Lessons as and when it best serves you to do so:
Review with the aim of prevention in mind. To avoid having to learn it the hard way yourself.
Review if you are stuck on a specific phase or step.
Review if you are making repetitive errors.
Review if you need inspiration and motivation.
Review if you need to review or reconstruct your Models & Theories.
Review if you are looking for inspiration for Values or Goals.
Absorb and action the Lessons:
Document the next most important Lessons for you to learn in your Action Plan.
Write them in your journal, if you journal.
Screenshot them and save them on your phone or computer background.
But most importantly, put them into action.
Whatever the Lesson you discover that you need to learn, whether positive or negative, it doesn't really matter. Again, what matters is what you do next.
Continually learn, continually improve and move forward.
Lessons
1. Understand the Nature of Emotions
Emotions are not directly caused by external events but by our interpretation of those events.
“When you are feeling upset, angry, or sad,” Epictetus said, “don’t blame another for your state of mind. Your condition is the result of your own opinions and interpretations. . . . “When anyone provokes you, remember that it is actually your own opinion provoking you. It is not the person who insults or attacks you who torments your mind, but the view you take of these things.”
Epictetus, Greek Stoic Philosopher (50 - 130 AD)
2. Focus on What You Can Control
External events and the actions of others are beyond our control, but our thoughts, emotions and choices are within our domain.
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will. ”
Epictetus, Greek Stoic Philosopher (50 - 130 AD)
3. Importance of Self-Esteem
Individuals have control over their own feelings and reactions to external opinions or judgments.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt, American Diplomat (1884 - 1962)
4. Moderation in Desires
By not being overly attached to external things, individuals can experience greater emotional stability.
“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.”
Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Roman Stoic Philosopher (4BCE - 65 AD)
5. Inner Freedom
Even in the most dire circumstances, individuals have the freedom to choose their thoughts and attitude.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist (1905 - 1997)
6. Mindfulness in the Present Moment
By focusing on the here and now, individuals can detach themselves from past regrets or future anxieties, reducing the sway of emotions tied to those time frames.
“Observe things as they are and don't pay attention to other people. There are some people just like mad dogs barking at everything that moves, even barking when the wind stirs among the grass and leaves.”
Huang Po, Chinese Monk (unknown - 850)
7. Non-Attachment to Feelings
By observing emotions without clinging to them, individuals can gain a more balanced perspective.
“Do not try to stop your thinking. Let it stop by itself. If something comes into your mind, let it come in, and let it go out. It will not stay long. When you try to stop your thinking, it means you are bothered by it. Do not be bothered by anything... if you are not bothered by the waves, gradually they will become calmer and calmer.”
Shunryu Suzuki, Japanese American Monk (1904 - 1971)
8. The Role of Love
Love, both in interpersonal relationships and a broader sense of love for humanity, can be a powerful force in maintaining mental and emotional well being.
“My mind still clung to the image of my wife. A thought crossed my mind: I didn't even know if she were still alive. I knew only one thing-which I have learned well by now: Love goes very far beyond the physical person of the beloved. It finds its deepest meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self. Whether or not he is actually present, whether or not he is still alive at all, ceases somehow to be of importance."
Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist (1905 - 1997)
9. Conscious Breathing as a Tool
By focusing on one's breath, one can navigate through changing emotions with a sense of calm and presence.
"Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor."
Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese monk (1926 - 2022)
10. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Engage in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, and social interactions. These activities can help manage stress and build resilience.
"It is not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it."
Lou Holtz, American Football Coach
11. Practice Empathy
Actively listen to others and try to understand their perspectives and emotions. Empathy helps build stronger, more meaningful relationships.
"When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That's when you can get more creative in solving problems."
Stephen Covey, American Author (1932 - 2012)
12. Optimize Your Surroundings
Create a work and home environment that reduces stress and promotes positive emotions. This could involve organizing your space, incorporating elements of nature, or ensuring good lighting.
"Nature always wears the colors of the spirit."
Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Author (1803 - 1882)
By reviewing these lessons above you can gain inspiration, seek clarity, deepen your awareness of where you can improve and compound your results moving forward.
Cautionary Lessons
1. The Dichotomy of Control
Distinguish things we can control (our thoughts, attitudes, and actions) and things we cannot control (external events, the actions of others). Failing to master emotions often involves trying to control the uncontrollable, leading to frustration and anxiety.
“The more you seek to control external events, the less control you will have over your own life.”
Epictetus, Greek Stoic Philosopher (50 - 130 AD)
2. Impulsive Decision-Making
Failing to master one's emotions may result in hasty and irrational choices that can have negative consequences in various aspects of life.
"Give me that man that is not passion's slave, and I will wear him in my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart."
William Shakespeare, English Playwright (1564 - 1616)
3. Regret and Remorse
Unchecked emotions can cloud judgment, leading individuals to make choices that they later find morally or personally troubling.
"You can always tell someone to go to hell tomorrow," citing Thomas Murphy. "Think what great advice it is when you screw your life forever by telling somebody to go to hell or something else in 30 seconds, and you can't erase it."
Warren Buffett, American Investor (1930 - )
4. Harm to Reputation
Emotional outbursts or erratic behavior can harm one's reputation and credibility, affecting relationships and opportunities.
“A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.”
Benjamin Franklin, American Polymath (1706 - 1790)
5. Unchecked Passions
When emotions like anger, fear, or desire go unexamined and uncontrolled, they can lead to impulsive actions and decisions, often with negative consequences.
“Control thy passions lest they take vengeance on thee.”
Epictetus, Greek Stoic Philosopher (50 - 130 AD)
6. Starting Arguments
Allowing negative emotions such as fear or anxiety to control one's actions can lead to missed opportunities and hinder personal and professional growth.
“If your temper is aroused and you tell 'em a thing or two, you will have a fine time unloading your feelings. But what about the other fellow? Will he share your pleasure? Will your belligerent tones, your hostile attitude, make it easy for him to agree with you? "If you come at me with your fists doubled," said Woodrow Wilson, "I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and say, 'Let us sit down and take counsel together, and, if we differ from one another, understand why it is that we differ from one another, just what the points at issue are,' we will presently find that we are not so far apart after all, that the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many, and that if we only have the patience and the candor and the desire to get together, we will get together.”
Dale Carnegie, American Author (1888 - 1955)
7. Extreme Reactions
Failing to master emotions may result in extreme reactions, whether it be excessive joy or overwhelming sorrow.
“When you start to lose your temper, remember: There’s nothing manly about rage. It’s courtesy and kindness that define a human being—and a man. That’s who possesses strength and nerves and guts, not the angry whiners. To react like that brings you closer to impassivity—and so to strength. Pain is the opposite of strength, and so is anger. Both are things we suffer from, and yield to.”
Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor (121 - 180)
8. Suppressing Emotions
Suppression can cause stress, anxiety, and even physical illness. It's important to acknowledge your emotions and find healthy ways to express them, whether through talking, writing, or creative outlets.
"Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways."
Sigmund Freud, Austrian Neurologist (1856 - 1939)
9. Conflict and Strife
Uncontrolled emotions can contribute to conflicts and strife in personal relationships and society at large.
"Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it."
Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Roman Stoic Philosopher (4BCE - 65 AD)
10. Don’t Rely on External Validation
Reacting impulsively based on strong emotions can harm relationships and decision-making. Take a moment to pause and reflect before responding to emotional triggers. This can prevent regrettable actions and help maintain harmonious relationships and clear-headed decisions.
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Author (1803 - 1882)
By reviewing these cautionary lessons above you can heed their warning adjust to suit, deepen your awareness of where you can improve and compound your results moving forward.
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